HATE: Children in Airports

In honor of my impending airplane travel, I thought I would share one of my all time biggest pet peeves – children in airports/airplanes. Children traveling in all ages groups annoy – babies crying, toddlers running, teenagers being generally greasy. For certain destinations I will make an exception – flights to Orlando – got it, completely understand Disney is their playing field – but Bahamas/ St. Martin/ Miami– what use can your kid possibly have for those destinations ?!?!

My most recent visit to Tampa provided me with the worst example of this. I arrived at Newark airport to wait in the now famous Newark security line and was greeted by a child I will call Dennis – because he reminded me of that well-known menace. Dennis could have been somewhere between the ages of 0-7 for all I know about childhood development – but was probably more like 4/5.

Anyway Dennis’ parents apparently felt it was perfectly acceptable for him to be in charge of his own luggage (it was Dora – I know this because it ran over my shoes several times). Please help me if you have thoughts, but what could a 5ish year-old child possibly need with luggage? Is he carrying his passport? Important medication? Reading material? Dennis’ parents also thought it was appropriate (in fact by the way they kept smiling at me they thought it was adorable) to let him attempt to navigate through security and try to lift Dora on to the x-ray belt unassisted. Parents for those of us adults traveling sans children this is not cute – in fact it’s far from it and it most importantly infringes upon our ability to have extra time for Starbucks prior to boarding. But then again maybe Dennis’ parents were unable to help lift his Dora luggage, since they were carrying a mini-cooper-sized car seat/stroller thing (once again I have no clue what purpose this actually serves on an airplane).

Once Dennis and I finally made it through security, we arrived at the moving walkways which he thought it will be fun to run the opposite way on – while I fought the urge to trip him/punt Dora into the nearest Chili’s To Go.

Eventually Dennis and I parted ways, and I began boarding my flight to Tampa. Shockingly, as a go to put my one bag into the overhead bin I discovered there was no room for my luggage yet plenty of room for the car seat/stroller things mentioned above. REALLY?!?! These things are such precious cargo that they cannot be considered checked baggage?

Finally seated, I scanned the area for babies – inevitably there was one two rows up from me who screamed the entire accent/decent. I think it was God’s way of playing a joke on me, bc in the past 25 flights I have taken I’ve had maybe one peaceful one.

DISCLAIMER – I swear I really don’t hate all children. In the appropriate setting and with the appropriate parenting I actually can find them kind of sweet/cute/(insert another adjective here) - but a closed tube 35,000 feet in the air is not one such setting.

I'm Back! - LOVE: Teen Mom

So clearly since the last time I posted was about Valentine's Day, a full year has passed! While 2009 has certainly provided me with a vast amount of things to love and hate, I have cheated the online world by not sharing my thoughts...Don't worry my blog friends - in one week I'm headed to Miami for work/Super Bowl and I can guarantee an entire week of work travel will surely provide me with ample opportunities to write to you!

I'll leave you with something that I feel might become my new obsession - MTV's Teen Mom.

I stumbled upon Teen Mom one lazy Sunday during one of MTV's we refuse to play music or create new programming marathons and instantly became hooked. The show consists of 4 18-year-old or younger mothers and details their struggles to not be complete wastes of life (fyi - 3 out of the 4 are not winning that battle). Stereotypically, teenagers who get pregnant are seen as the slutty, dirty, needy and low class - 75% these girls fit the mold completely.

First we have Maci - I truly want to like Maci, she really is a good mother and seems to love her baby. Maci's downfall comes in the fact that she clearly got dupped by her bf (who falls much higher on the looks scale than she does) into having "relations" bc he said he loved her when he just wanted to have sex. I don't remember his name so we will call him dirtbiking freeloader (DF) - so DF wants nothing to do with Maci and their son Bentley (yup they named him after a car they will never even see in person).

Then we have Farrah, (she should hook up with DF, bc she wants as little to do with her daughter as he does with his son) who spends a majority of her time trying to date guys who want nothing to do with her. I can't imagine how she got pregnant, since most guys don't want to spend more than one date with her. She lives at home with her parents and goes to cooking school, although I can't believe a legit cooking school gives homework that involves Bobboli pizza crust. The thing about Farrah is that her baby daddy must have found her as annoying as I do bc he is no longer in the picture. High point - Farrah's mom may have just gotten arrested for choking her - allegedly, I was told - hope that makes the show!

The one ray of morality comes by way of Catelynn and Tyler - probably the most disadvantaged of the couples who have decided to give their baby up for adoption despite their trailer-living, mullet-wearing, substance abusing parent's objections. They are truly sweet in love kids - I wish I could afford to send them money to pay for college and get the better lives they deserve.

And finally we have Amber - I saved the worst for last. This girl is truly horrifying - in fact I think I can smell her through my TV. She got preggers by her"special" boyfriend (combined I think they may have the IQ of my cat) and was forced to drop out of school. Amber is really what is wrong with the American Welfare system - despite the fact that she doesn't work and could live at home with her parents, she instead chooses to put her baby in daycare and have her own apt to feel like a big girl (fyi we are paying for that) so that she can focus on working 10 hrs a week and getting her acrylic nails done. Stereotype? I think so!

So why do you ask is this a love? - To be completely honest I have no idea! It's not outwardly entertaining like Jersey Shore or pathetic like Tough Love. Tune in next Tuesday at 10 p.m. and maybe you can figure it out.

HATE: Valentine's Day Tokens at Work

Ok so I will probably offend some of my co-workers with this post, but they will get over it because they know I love them! I despise Valentine's Day gifts at work. Unless your boyfriend lives in California and you in New York, and he has no means of seeing you on on Valentine's Day there is really no reason to send "tokens" to work. This has become epically bothersome to me this year as Valentine's Day doesn't even fall on a weekday, yet I am still bombarded by other people's gifts! What is the need to send flowers a day or more prior to the holiday to your girlfriend when you are seeing on the actual day and can physically give said flowers to her in person??!?! I'll tell you what the need it, it's to show off. You as a boyfriend want all her co-workers to ohhh and ahhh and say what a great boyfriend you are. If your real interest solely the sweet selfless gesture why wouldn't you send it to her house? or make her dinner? No, no you want the office fame. And I'm sure there are girls who are saying well you are just jealous you didn't get flowers, and I admit that is probably partly true. However, the next relationship I'm in I will be sure to specify that I want my flowers at home where they belong for me only!

LOVE: Tool Academy

Vh1's Sunday night television line up is by far the best night of TV all week, and the MVP of this lineup is the "Tool Academy." I was initially hesitant. I mean how can a show where the contestants willingly acknowledge that they are tools possibly be worth an hour of my time? However, after watching the first show I couldn't tear my eyes away. The stupidity/depravity/utter idiocy of these people has so many levels to it, you can't help but watch in horror.

First, the premise that the "hot girlfriends" (again used liberally on Vh1 - see Pick Up Artist post below) actually want their boyfriends to go on television and be labeled as tools is really astounding. Either these women are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above.

However even whose than these prizes at the contestants, the "tools" if you will. They initially think they are competing for a contest titled "Mr. Awesome." Honestly? Mr. Awesome? Who in their right mind would think that would be a real honor? Either these men are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above. Its really amazing the people and the levels these people go to to humiliate themselves.

However, I really love the "tools." They are on a show trying to "fix their relationships" and under constant video surveillance, yet continue to hit everything that walks and their retarded girlfriends take them back week after week. My favorite moment of the show so far was when Shaun's second girlfriend comes in. Despite loosing the girl that brought him to the show, and having a furious and less hot Russian chick remain, he was still able to deliver the best line of the show. "On the bright side, for a while I had two hot girlfriends!" Ohhh that sums it up and that's why I love it.

HATE: Couples Who Work Out Together

Since I haven't updated in a long time I have multiple posts to get out of the way, so lets get to it. In keeping with my gym theme: I hate couples who work out together at the gym. I understand why it might be convenient for a couple that lives together to carpool to the gym, the whole gas is expensive bs. Got it! But why in the world must they spend the entire two hours together once they get there? Sometimes I feel like I go to the gym at a dating service.

Guys and girls work out completely differently, they have different breaking points and ideally different strengths. However this doesn't seem to bother the doughy (and by doughy I mean Pillsbury) guys at my gym who make weak attempts at "helping their girls" work out. There are two specific couples at my gym that irk me. There is one pudgy guy who has a very thin girlfriend, he adjusts her treadmill and tells her she isn't running fast enough, which is ironic because he usually isn't even on a machine. There is another couple with the complete opposite problem. The male weighs about 105 lbs and attempts to show his lady how to lift weights, also ironic since I could probably lift more than him with my left hand.

My theory is that the need to be super "manly" and controlling these guys have probably stems from the fact that they cannot work out with the actual guys. Anyway I digress, I think gyms should be singles only...enough said.

HATE: The New Year's Resolution People at the Gym

This will probably be a series of thing I hate about gyms in general, but as my first post of the New Year is definitely directed at those people who "resolve" to take up precious treadmill space during the first month of each year.

The only thing I do at my gym is run and tan. That's it! I run 5 miles, walk a half mile then tan. During the year I have established a perfect schedule: Leave my house at 8, get to the gym by 8:15 and go directly to the last treadmill in the back row (it's my favorite because 1. its on the end and thus only one person can run next to you if it's crowed and 2. it's in the back so none of the creepy meatheads at my NJ gym can stare at my ass), treadmill until 9, tan until 9:15, home by 9:30. We'll on this second day of the New Year, these "people" have totally messed up my schedule. Because the gym was so crowed I couldn't find a parking space, by the time I finally found one (which required me to walk way further than I like, in the cold) it was 8:20 (schedule officially off), after waiting in a long like to swipe my card in, I was horrified to find that almost all the treadmills where taken (by people I have never seen before WALKING about .25 miles an hour) including my coveted back row end one! I was forced to take a middle-row machine in between two disgusting sweaty smelly people. And after this whole ordeal i didn't get home until almost 10!

Now don't get me wrong I applaud people trying to better themselves and exercise is definitely a great thing in today's overweight society, but what really gets me is that these people will completely disappear from the gym universe in about one month (and that's probably being generous). So inevitably, each year these people inconvenience the regular gym goers, screw up their schedules, and take up valuable space all for what reason? In one month, they will probably have lost a total of 2 lbs (at the minimal rate they walk), which I can guarantee you will be gained back in a week, and they will have spent about a grand on a year long membership contract they will never use!

So think, long and hard when you are resolving to get in shape this year. If you don't have the will power to do it all year long, why bother? Sit on stay home in your warm house, save your money and don't inconvenience those of us who actually like being healthy.

LOVE: 2008

2008 was an awesome year! And I'm truly sad to see it leave. 2008 was a year in my life where I excelled at my job, housecleaned all unnecessary people, developed stronger bonds with my friends and family, and even met a celebrity or two! At work I made a great career decision that led me to work on projects that I love with some of the most talented and fun people I have ever met. (And I think they may like me too because I got a great promotion!) I said good-bye to people/relationships that had weighed me down and kept me from achieving my potential. I also rid myself of moochy girlfriends and people that couldn't keep up with me. My family is my life and this year truly made me realize that I have the best parents in the entire world. I miss them with all my heart now that I don't live close to them 2008 also made my dad's old saying come true, my sister has absolutely become my best friend. We moved past all the fighting and jealousy of our childhood and I love her to death. Oh and for the celebrity thing this year I met Aerosmith (somehow I rode in their limo, after them of course), Melissa Etheridge (she shared her nachos with me), Gavin Degraw (he helped me on the red carpet), Seal (he sang me and two co-workers a song backstage), Panic at the Disco and Dashboard Confessional (we rode the elevator at Hard Rock Vegas together several times)Natasha Bedingfield, Tom Brady and Gisele, David Wright, David Cook (twice), Joss Stone, Gavin Rossdale, A-Rod, Selena Gomez, CT From the Real World, a male-model I wanted to marry and I'm sure few other's I'm forgetting. Anyway...Good-bye 2008 I will definitely miss you and I hope 2009 is half as good!

HATE: Strollers at the Mall...well really anywhere

So this past Christmas, I hit up the mall several times and every single time I was practically mowed over by over eager moms and the screaming children in a stroller. I mean its bad enough that I have to listen/watch people's children cry, pull everything off shelves and look generally dirty and crusty, but do you really have to bring a mini-van sized stroller to the crowded holiday mall? These tank-like apparatuses block aisles, cause chaos and I can't even count the amount of times I have been run over by one (it's really laughable to me that these women seem to think that because the are pushing a small Winnebago that they have the right of way at every juncture.) I mean really when you think about it, why do children even need to be at a mall? It's not like they try on clothes until they are like 5 and I cannot imagine that having a drooling child that needs attention can possibly be enjoyable for the parent. It's really not just malls where strollers and their occupants bother me, on a recent visit to the Metropolitan Museum of Art I once again felt like I was in a nursery school classroom. What can your 6 month old possibly contribute to your museum experience, besides ruining it for all the other patrons? Is he going to comment on the African tribal masks or discuss the colors in a Monet? The moral of the story is that even when I have my own kids they will be home with a babysitter until they are of walking age. And I'm sure that there are people thinking well what if a family cannot afford a babysitter...and to that I say if you cannot afford a babysitter you probably shouldn't be at the mall!

HATE: All I Want for Christmas Away Messages

Ever since I have been an AIM user, so since like 6th grade, people have been quoting Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" in their away messages (and with the invent of Facebook their status updates). While this may have been cute 1. when the song was semi-new and 2. when I was in middle school, there is a point in life where it is no longer acceptable to put "baby all I want for Christmas is you" in an away message. If you are in a relationship then you actually do have that special person for Christmas, thus eliminating the need for this statement entirely. If you are unable to be with the target of your little message it becomes slightly pathetic to post subliminal away messages once you reach past the age of 12. Either way, this overuse of this phrase has become a Christmas cliche that has ruined on of my favorite holiday songs.

LOVE: The Puppy Cam

While I was slightly hesitant at first, I have officially fallen in love with the puppy cam. After my roommate had this on for about 78 straight hours, I finally checked it out and I don't think it has come off my screen since. Yes, watching someone elses puppies for hours on end is slightly creepy...they are just so freakin' cute!!!! and the 20,000 plus viewers a day aren't all creepy losers right?

LOVE: Uggs

So its true Uggs are so 5 years ago, but I still cannot get over them. A work collegue recently wrote a blog entry about how much he hate girls who were Uggs, but I say he is just jealous. I have been to many outdoor winter events where my toes have been perfectly toasty in my Uggs while my male counter parts feet are freezing in their "visually appealing" sneakers.

True, Uggs do make every girl look like she has cankles but I say who cares when it's 8 a.m. on a December morning and you are just running down the street to Dunkin and don't want cold feet. And while it may sound vain, the fact that Uggs are expensive in my mind makes wearing them totally justifiable. (like Juicy Couture track suits, in what other situation is wearing velour socially acceptable?)

That being said there are some points I will agree with my nameless male co-worker on and some rules which should govern the wearing of Uggs:
1. Under no circumstances should Uggs EVER be worn with a skirt or shorts
2. If you live in a climate where the temp never reaches below 50 even at night, you have no need to wear Uggs
3. DO NOT tuck your Uggs into you bootcut jeans, get skinny jeans or wear sweats
4. Knock off Uggs are a no-no and make you look both cheap and like you have fat ankles

So this winter enjoy your warm feet ladies and be sure to laugh at all the boys with frostbiten toes! :)

Love/Hate: The Pick Up Artist

I love to hate the VH1 reality show The Pick Up Artist. Let me start off by saying I genuinely feel bad for the guys on that show. It is truly unfortunate to be 37 and have the only female you have ever kissed be you mother, however there are better ways to improve your social standing than taking advice from a jackass who wears ski goggles on his head (the show is filmed in Texas) and seriously takes a feather boa to the bar to "attract" women. I would a billion times over rather talk to a nerdy guy at a bar than a freak with a false sense of confidence. If "mystery" (yes that is actually what he calls himself) ever approached me at a bar and asked for "a female opinion" (his trademark pickup line) I would walk away, but only after I had picked myself off the floor from laughing so hard.

The funniest parts of the show is the way the "contestants" talk up this loser like he a God and how they have "sexy women" (a term used very loosely on VH1) teach them how to date. This show is pathetic, yet I find myself watching every week.

Love: ISH

I have recently discovered that i LOVE the suffix ISH. It's a great way to make harsh statement less harsh, exaggerate semi-good things and all around a fun thing to say. For example, my friends and I recently met an acquaintance's new girlfriend who was less than attractive. Being that it was a few glasses of wine into the night, I casually made the comment that she looked like a troll. (which she literally did, i think there was an illustration in my children's nursery rhyme book that featured her under a bridge) My friends all looked at me in horror, like I was the worst person alive, even though we were clearly all thinking it. So in order to soften the statement I added an ISH. "We'll she looks trollish"- and all was made better.

I also like to say I'm 20ish. It's so much better than saying im 23...

Hate: Patron

For about the past year or so no matter what bar I go out in, be it a club in NJ (eww I know) a lounge in NY or a pub in CT, the shot of choice for both guys and girls has become Parton. Since when did all of my college educated socially acceptable friends and acquaintances become wanna be rappers? I am not a girl that cannot handle her liquor so my problem with Patron is not its strength (although I have spent many rough Sundays in bed after a night of Parton and Pino) it is purely the fact that EVERYONE orders Patron because it has suddenly become the cool shot.

Nothing is more gross to be then being offered a shot while out by a cute guy and getting Parton! Do I look like my I want to be a video girl? NO Thanks I’ll pass. If you are trying to flash your money how about buying a real high class shot Johnny Walker Blue Perhaps? I may dump it down the bathroom sink (a la my favorite roommate) but at least I will respect you for not being a conformist. One of the most interesting thing about Patron is the fact that whenever I am out it seems to be the shot of choice the homebound, and by homebound I mean those people who despite being in their mid twenties still live at home with their parents. Here is a thought: cut back on the 10 Parton shots you take a week, save up that money/time and move out of your mom’s house. But I guess if I was salesman living with my parents at 25 I’d want to drink something strong enough to make me feel cool too.