Thursday, January 28, 2010

HATE: Children in Airports

In honor of my impending airplane travel, I thought I would share one of my all time biggest pet peeves – children in airports/airplanes. Children traveling in all ages groups annoy – babies crying, toddlers running, teenagers being generally greasy. For certain destinations I will make an exception – flights to Orlando – got it, completely understand Disney is their playing field – but Bahamas/ St. Martin/ Miami– what use can your kid possibly have for those destinations ?!?!

My most recent visit to Tampa provided me with the worst example of this. I arrived at Newark airport to wait in the now famous Newark security line and was greeted by a child I will call Dennis – because he reminded me of that well-known menace. Dennis could have been somewhere between the ages of 0-7 for all I know about childhood development – but was probably more like 4/5.

Anyway Dennis’ parents apparently felt it was perfectly acceptable for him to be in charge of his own luggage (it was Dora – I know this because it ran over my shoes several times). Please help me if you have thoughts, but what could a 5ish year-old child possibly need with luggage? Is he carrying his passport? Important medication? Reading material? Dennis’ parents also thought it was appropriate (in fact by the way they kept smiling at me they thought it was adorable) to let him attempt to navigate through security and try to lift Dora on to the x-ray belt unassisted. Parents for those of us adults traveling sans children this is not cute – in fact it’s far from it and it most importantly infringes upon our ability to have extra time for Starbucks prior to boarding. But then again maybe Dennis’ parents were unable to help lift his Dora luggage, since they were carrying a mini-cooper-sized car seat/stroller thing (once again I have no clue what purpose this actually serves on an airplane).

Once Dennis and I finally made it through security, we arrived at the moving walkways which he thought it will be fun to run the opposite way on – while I fought the urge to trip him/punt Dora into the nearest Chili’s To Go.

Eventually Dennis and I parted ways, and I began boarding my flight to Tampa. Shockingly, as a go to put my one bag into the overhead bin I discovered there was no room for my luggage yet plenty of room for the car seat/stroller things mentioned above. REALLY?!?! These things are such precious cargo that they cannot be considered checked baggage?

Finally seated, I scanned the area for babies – inevitably there was one two rows up from me who screamed the entire accent/decent. I think it was God’s way of playing a joke on me, bc in the past 25 flights I have taken I’ve had maybe one peaceful one.

DISCLAIMER – I swear I really don’t hate all children. In the appropriate setting and with the appropriate parenting I actually can find them kind of sweet/cute/(insert another adjective here) - but a closed tube 35,000 feet in the air is not one such setting.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I'm Back! - LOVE: Teen Mom

So clearly since the last time I posted was about Valentine's Day, a full year has passed! While 2009 has certainly provided me with a vast amount of things to love and hate, I have cheated the online world by not sharing my thoughts...Don't worry my blog friends - in one week I'm headed to Miami for work/Super Bowl and I can guarantee an entire week of work travel will surely provide me with ample opportunities to write to you!

I'll leave you with something that I feel might become my new obsession - MTV's Teen Mom.

I stumbled upon Teen Mom one lazy Sunday during one of MTV's we refuse to play music or create new programming marathons and instantly became hooked. The show consists of 4 18-year-old or younger mothers and details their struggles to not be complete wastes of life (fyi - 3 out of the 4 are not winning that battle). Stereotypically, teenagers who get pregnant are seen as the slutty, dirty, needy and low class - 75% these girls fit the mold completely.

First we have Maci - I truly want to like Maci, she really is a good mother and seems to love her baby. Maci's downfall comes in the fact that she clearly got dupped by her bf (who falls much higher on the looks scale than she does) into having "relations" bc he said he loved her when he just wanted to have sex. I don't remember his name so we will call him dirtbiking freeloader (DF) - so DF wants nothing to do with Maci and their son Bentley (yup they named him after a car they will never even see in person).

Then we have Farrah, (she should hook up with DF, bc she wants as little to do with her daughter as he does with his son) who spends a majority of her time trying to date guys who want nothing to do with her. I can't imagine how she got pregnant, since most guys don't want to spend more than one date with her. She lives at home with her parents and goes to cooking school, although I can't believe a legit cooking school gives homework that involves Bobboli pizza crust. The thing about Farrah is that her baby daddy must have found her as annoying as I do bc he is no longer in the picture. High point - Farrah's mom may have just gotten arrested for choking her - allegedly, I was told - hope that makes the show!

The one ray of morality comes by way of Catelynn and Tyler - probably the most disadvantaged of the couples who have decided to give their baby up for adoption despite their trailer-living, mullet-wearing, substance abusing parent's objections. They are truly sweet in love kids - I wish I could afford to send them money to pay for college and get the better lives they deserve.

And finally we have Amber - I saved the worst for last. This girl is truly horrifying - in fact I think I can smell her through my TV. She got preggers by her"special" boyfriend (combined I think they may have the IQ of my cat) and was forced to drop out of school. Amber is really what is wrong with the American Welfare system - despite the fact that she doesn't work and could live at home with her parents, she instead chooses to put her baby in daycare and have her own apt to feel like a big girl (fyi we are paying for that) so that she can focus on working 10 hrs a week and getting her acrylic nails done. Stereotype? I think so!

So why do you ask is this a love? - To be completely honest I have no idea! It's not outwardly entertaining like Jersey Shore or pathetic like Tough Love. Tune in next Tuesday at 10 p.m. and maybe you can figure it out.

Friday, February 13, 2009

HATE: Valentine's Day Tokens at Work

Ok so I will probably offend some of my co-workers with this post, but they will get over it because they know I love them! I despise Valentine's Day gifts at work. Unless your boyfriend lives in California and you in New York, and he has no means of seeing you on on Valentine's Day there is really no reason to send "tokens" to work. This has become epically bothersome to me this year as Valentine's Day doesn't even fall on a weekday, yet I am still bombarded by other people's gifts! What is the need to send flowers a day or more prior to the holiday to your girlfriend when you are seeing on the actual day and can physically give said flowers to her in person??!?! I'll tell you what the need it, it's to show off. You as a boyfriend want all her co-workers to ohhh and ahhh and say what a great boyfriend you are. If your real interest solely the sweet selfless gesture why wouldn't you send it to her house? or make her dinner? No, no you want the office fame. And I'm sure there are girls who are saying well you are just jealous you didn't get flowers, and I admit that is probably partly true. However, the next relationship I'm in I will be sure to specify that I want my flowers at home where they belong for me only!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

LOVE: Tool Academy

Vh1's Sunday night television line up is by far the best night of TV all week, and the MVP of this lineup is the "Tool Academy." I was initially hesitant. I mean how can a show where the contestants willingly acknowledge that they are tools possibly be worth an hour of my time? However, after watching the first show I couldn't tear my eyes away. The stupidity/depravity/utter idiocy of these people has so many levels to it, you can't help but watch in horror.

First, the premise that the "hot girlfriends" (again used liberally on Vh1 - see Pick Up Artist post below) actually want their boyfriends to go on television and be labeled as tools is really astounding. Either these women are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above.

However even whose than these prizes at the contestants, the "tools" if you will. They initially think they are competing for a contest titled "Mr. Awesome." Honestly? Mr. Awesome? Who in their right mind would think that would be a real honor? Either these men are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above. Its really amazing the people and the levels these people go to to humiliate themselves.

However, I really love the "tools." They are on a show trying to "fix their relationships" and under constant video surveillance, yet continue to hit everything that walks and their retarded girlfriends take them back week after week. My favorite moment of the show so far was when Shaun's second girlfriend comes in. Despite loosing the girl that brought him to the show, and having a furious and less hot Russian chick remain, he was still able to deliver the best line of the show. "On the bright side, for a while I had two hot girlfriends!" Ohhh that sums it up and that's why I love it.

HATE: Couples Who Work Out Together

Since I haven't updated in a long time I have multiple posts to get out of the way, so lets get to it. In keeping with my gym theme: I hate couples who work out together at the gym. I understand why it might be convenient for a couple that lives together to carpool to the gym, the whole gas is expensive bs. Got it! But why in the world must they spend the entire two hours together once they get there? Sometimes I feel like I go to the gym at a dating service.

Guys and girls work out completely differently, they have different breaking points and ideally different strengths. However this doesn't seem to bother the doughy (and by doughy I mean Pillsbury) guys at my gym who make weak attempts at "helping their girls" work out. There are two specific couples at my gym that irk me. There is one pudgy guy who has a very thin girlfriend, he adjusts her treadmill and tells her she isn't running fast enough, which is ironic because he usually isn't even on a machine. There is another couple with the complete opposite problem. The male weighs about 105 lbs and attempts to show his lady how to lift weights, also ironic since I could probably lift more than him with my left hand.

My theory is that the need to be super "manly" and controlling these guys have probably stems from the fact that they cannot work out with the actual guys. Anyway I digress, I think gyms should be singles only...enough said.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

HATE: The New Year's Resolution People at the Gym

This will probably be a series of thing I hate about gyms in general, but as my first post of the New Year is definitely directed at those people who "resolve" to take up precious treadmill space during the first month of each year.

The only thing I do at my gym is run and tan. That's it! I run 5 miles, walk a half mile then tan. During the year I have established a perfect schedule: Leave my house at 8, get to the gym by 8:15 and go directly to the last treadmill in the back row (it's my favorite because 1. its on the end and thus only one person can run next to you if it's crowed and 2. it's in the back so none of the creepy meatheads at my NJ gym can stare at my ass), treadmill until 9, tan until 9:15, home by 9:30. We'll on this second day of the New Year, these "people" have totally messed up my schedule. Because the gym was so crowed I couldn't find a parking space, by the time I finally found one (which required me to walk way further than I like, in the cold) it was 8:20 (schedule officially off), after waiting in a long like to swipe my card in, I was horrified to find that almost all the treadmills where taken (by people I have never seen before WALKING about .25 miles an hour) including my coveted back row end one! I was forced to take a middle-row machine in between two disgusting sweaty smelly people. And after this whole ordeal i didn't get home until almost 10!

Now don't get me wrong I applaud people trying to better themselves and exercise is definitely a great thing in today's overweight society, but what really gets me is that these people will completely disappear from the gym universe in about one month (and that's probably being generous). So inevitably, each year these people inconvenience the regular gym goers, screw up their schedules, and take up valuable space all for what reason? In one month, they will probably have lost a total of 2 lbs (at the minimal rate they walk), which I can guarantee you will be gained back in a week, and they will have spent about a grand on a year long membership contract they will never use!

So think, long and hard when you are resolving to get in shape this year. If you don't have the will power to do it all year long, why bother? Sit on stay home in your warm house, save your money and don't inconvenience those of us who actually like being healthy.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

LOVE: 2008

2008 was an awesome year! And I'm truly sad to see it leave. 2008 was a year in my life where I excelled at my job, housecleaned all unnecessary people, developed stronger bonds with my friends and family, and even met a celebrity or two! At work I made a great career decision that led me to work on projects that I love with some of the most talented and fun people I have ever met. (And I think they may like me too because I got a great promotion!) I said good-bye to people/relationships that had weighed me down and kept me from achieving my potential. I also rid myself of moochy girlfriends and people that couldn't keep up with me. My family is my life and this year truly made me realize that I have the best parents in the entire world. I miss them with all my heart now that I don't live close to them 2008 also made my dad's old saying come true, my sister has absolutely become my best friend. We moved past all the fighting and jealousy of our childhood and I love her to death. Oh and for the celebrity thing this year I met Aerosmith (somehow I rode in their limo, after them of course), Melissa Etheridge (she shared her nachos with me), Gavin Degraw (he helped me on the red carpet), Seal (he sang me and two co-workers a song backstage), Panic at the Disco and Dashboard Confessional (we rode the elevator at Hard Rock Vegas together several times)Natasha Bedingfield, Tom Brady and Gisele, David Wright, David Cook (twice), Joss Stone, Gavin Rossdale, A-Rod, Selena Gomez, CT From the Real World, a male-model I wanted to marry and I'm sure few other's I'm forgetting. Anyway...Good-bye 2008 I will definitely miss you and I hope 2009 is half as good!