Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Love/Hate: The Pick Up Artist

I love to hate the VH1 reality show The Pick Up Artist. Let me start off by saying I genuinely feel bad for the guys on that show. It is truly unfortunate to be 37 and have the only female you have ever kissed be you mother, however there are better ways to improve your social standing than taking advice from a jackass who wears ski goggles on his head (the show is filmed in Texas) and seriously takes a feather boa to the bar to "attract" women. I would a billion times over rather talk to a nerdy guy at a bar than a freak with a false sense of confidence. If "mystery" (yes that is actually what he calls himself) ever approached me at a bar and asked for "a female opinion" (his trademark pickup line) I would walk away, but only after I had picked myself off the floor from laughing so hard.

The funniest parts of the show is the way the "contestants" talk up this loser like he a God and how they have "sexy women" (a term used very loosely on VH1) teach them how to date. This show is pathetic, yet I find myself watching every week.

Love: ISH

I have recently discovered that i LOVE the suffix ISH. It's a great way to make harsh statement less harsh, exaggerate semi-good things and all around a fun thing to say. For example, my friends and I recently met an acquaintance's new girlfriend who was less than attractive. Being that it was a few glasses of wine into the night, I casually made the comment that she looked like a troll. (which she literally did, i think there was an illustration in my children's nursery rhyme book that featured her under a bridge) My friends all looked at me in horror, like I was the worst person alive, even though we were clearly all thinking it. So in order to soften the statement I added an ISH. "We'll she looks trollish"- and all was made better.

I also like to say I'm 20ish. It's so much better than saying im 23...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Hate: Patron

For about the past year or so no matter what bar I go out in, be it a club in NJ (eww I know) a lounge in NY or a pub in CT, the shot of choice for both guys and girls has become Parton. Since when did all of my college educated socially acceptable friends and acquaintances become wanna be rappers? I am not a girl that cannot handle her liquor so my problem with Patron is not its strength (although I have spent many rough Sundays in bed after a night of Parton and Pino) it is purely the fact that EVERYONE orders Patron because it has suddenly become the cool shot.

Nothing is more gross to be then being offered a shot while out by a cute guy and getting Parton! Do I look like my I want to be a video girl? NO Thanks I’ll pass. If you are trying to flash your money how about buying a real high class shot Johnny Walker Blue Perhaps? I may dump it down the bathroom sink (a la my favorite roommate) but at least I will respect you for not being a conformist. One of the most interesting thing about Patron is the fact that whenever I am out it seems to be the shot of choice the homebound, and by homebound I mean those people who despite being in their mid twenties still live at home with their parents. Here is a thought: cut back on the 10 Parton shots you take a week, save up that money/time and move out of your mom’s house. But I guess if I was salesman living with my parents at 25 I’d want to drink something strong enough to make me feel cool too.