Friday, February 13, 2009

HATE: Valentine's Day Tokens at Work

Ok so I will probably offend some of my co-workers with this post, but they will get over it because they know I love them! I despise Valentine's Day gifts at work. Unless your boyfriend lives in California and you in New York, and he has no means of seeing you on on Valentine's Day there is really no reason to send "tokens" to work. This has become epically bothersome to me this year as Valentine's Day doesn't even fall on a weekday, yet I am still bombarded by other people's gifts! What is the need to send flowers a day or more prior to the holiday to your girlfriend when you are seeing on the actual day and can physically give said flowers to her in person??!?! I'll tell you what the need it, it's to show off. You as a boyfriend want all her co-workers to ohhh and ahhh and say what a great boyfriend you are. If your real interest solely the sweet selfless gesture why wouldn't you send it to her house? or make her dinner? No, no you want the office fame. And I'm sure there are girls who are saying well you are just jealous you didn't get flowers, and I admit that is probably partly true. However, the next relationship I'm in I will be sure to specify that I want my flowers at home where they belong for me only!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

LOVE: Tool Academy

Vh1's Sunday night television line up is by far the best night of TV all week, and the MVP of this lineup is the "Tool Academy." I was initially hesitant. I mean how can a show where the contestants willingly acknowledge that they are tools possibly be worth an hour of my time? However, after watching the first show I couldn't tear my eyes away. The stupidity/depravity/utter idiocy of these people has so many levels to it, you can't help but watch in horror.

First, the premise that the "hot girlfriends" (again used liberally on Vh1 - see Pick Up Artist post below) actually want their boyfriends to go on television and be labeled as tools is really astounding. Either these women are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above.

However even whose than these prizes at the contestants, the "tools" if you will. They initially think they are competing for a contest titled "Mr. Awesome." Honestly? Mr. Awesome? Who in their right mind would think that would be a real honor? Either these men are fame whores (plain whores) or they are completely void of all self esteem and brains or all of the above. Its really amazing the people and the levels these people go to to humiliate themselves.

However, I really love the "tools." They are on a show trying to "fix their relationships" and under constant video surveillance, yet continue to hit everything that walks and their retarded girlfriends take them back week after week. My favorite moment of the show so far was when Shaun's second girlfriend comes in. Despite loosing the girl that brought him to the show, and having a furious and less hot Russian chick remain, he was still able to deliver the best line of the show. "On the bright side, for a while I had two hot girlfriends!" Ohhh that sums it up and that's why I love it.

HATE: Couples Who Work Out Together

Since I haven't updated in a long time I have multiple posts to get out of the way, so lets get to it. In keeping with my gym theme: I hate couples who work out together at the gym. I understand why it might be convenient for a couple that lives together to carpool to the gym, the whole gas is expensive bs. Got it! But why in the world must they spend the entire two hours together once they get there? Sometimes I feel like I go to the gym at a dating service.

Guys and girls work out completely differently, they have different breaking points and ideally different strengths. However this doesn't seem to bother the doughy (and by doughy I mean Pillsbury) guys at my gym who make weak attempts at "helping their girls" work out. There are two specific couples at my gym that irk me. There is one pudgy guy who has a very thin girlfriend, he adjusts her treadmill and tells her she isn't running fast enough, which is ironic because he usually isn't even on a machine. There is another couple with the complete opposite problem. The male weighs about 105 lbs and attempts to show his lady how to lift weights, also ironic since I could probably lift more than him with my left hand.

My theory is that the need to be super "manly" and controlling these guys have probably stems from the fact that they cannot work out with the actual guys. Anyway I digress, I think gyms should be singles only...enough said.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

HATE: The New Year's Resolution People at the Gym

This will probably be a series of thing I hate about gyms in general, but as my first post of the New Year is definitely directed at those people who "resolve" to take up precious treadmill space during the first month of each year.

The only thing I do at my gym is run and tan. That's it! I run 5 miles, walk a half mile then tan. During the year I have established a perfect schedule: Leave my house at 8, get to the gym by 8:15 and go directly to the last treadmill in the back row (it's my favorite because 1. its on the end and thus only one person can run next to you if it's crowed and 2. it's in the back so none of the creepy meatheads at my NJ gym can stare at my ass), treadmill until 9, tan until 9:15, home by 9:30. We'll on this second day of the New Year, these "people" have totally messed up my schedule. Because the gym was so crowed I couldn't find a parking space, by the time I finally found one (which required me to walk way further than I like, in the cold) it was 8:20 (schedule officially off), after waiting in a long like to swipe my card in, I was horrified to find that almost all the treadmills where taken (by people I have never seen before WALKING about .25 miles an hour) including my coveted back row end one! I was forced to take a middle-row machine in between two disgusting sweaty smelly people. And after this whole ordeal i didn't get home until almost 10!

Now don't get me wrong I applaud people trying to better themselves and exercise is definitely a great thing in today's overweight society, but what really gets me is that these people will completely disappear from the gym universe in about one month (and that's probably being generous). So inevitably, each year these people inconvenience the regular gym goers, screw up their schedules, and take up valuable space all for what reason? In one month, they will probably have lost a total of 2 lbs (at the minimal rate they walk), which I can guarantee you will be gained back in a week, and they will have spent about a grand on a year long membership contract they will never use!

So think, long and hard when you are resolving to get in shape this year. If you don't have the will power to do it all year long, why bother? Sit on stay home in your warm house, save your money and don't inconvenience those of us who actually like being healthy.